Don't Keep Repenting?

Repentance needs words and actions. In the rest of this note I'll just be focusing on the words part.

Someone said, "Don't keep asking forgiveness for the same sin. Just move on." On the surface, this looks okay. But I found myself today repenting a few times for losing my temper one time; and that's how I said it. When the sin came to mind I said again, "Sorry Dad. Forgive me." And once or twice I'd remember the adage, "Don't keep asking forgiveness for the same sin. Just move on." and I would correct myself.

Then I realized that this adage is entirely unhelpful to me. And by that I mean it's crap.

Repentance is a lifestyle. There are different words we use to repent. We ask for forgiveness, we ask for mercy. Sometimes we think it through enough to ask for grace (as in, "Lord give me grace; help me not do that anymore.") Really it's just different ways of putting our contrition into words. Different ways of telling God we're sorry.

So five minutes ago my sin came to mind and I said, "Sorry Dad. Forgive me." And the adage returned to rebuke me.

"You're already forgiven. Don't ask for forgiveness again."

This time I recognized it for what it was. I shot back,

"Shut your mouth you presumption. If I feel sorry I will tell God I'm sorry."

Here's a prayer which has been prayed continually for centuries, all over the world, in various forms:

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me the sinner."

This is the Jesus Prayer. If you read the body of teaching about this tradition, you'll discover that the men and women who pray this obsessively are super duper like Jesus. Absolutely covered in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Nevertheless, asking God for mercy for themselves is a life-long task.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy (Mt 5:7)." This is at once an obligation to be kind. God will not be mocked by having bad children. Peter says, "... if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile (1 Pt 1:17)."

You know why merciful people get mercy? Because God is fair. Because it makes sense. God makes sense.

On the other hand, with the Jesus Prayer tradition in mind, this verse lights up like a beacon of hope. If you will, please allow me to turn this verse on its head:

"Ask for mercy, and he will make you merciful."

Crazy? You think? Follow this: God is fair. He will be merciful to the merciful. He wants to be merciful to us; he feels acute kindness and compassion. But hey, if you're bad you're bad; and he loves justice. He also loves the people we hurt! (I love justice too, by the way. Makes perfect sense.) It also makes perfect sense for God to quarantine you indefinitely if you're a jerk.

So we really do have to be merciful to get mercy. Is that a huge crushing burden? I don't think so. It's a burden, and we really do have to carry it; but he said "my burden is easy." It's 'easy' in one sense because we're not alone. He also says, "my yoke is light." Yeah, his yoke is light cause we're yoked in it with him! not because it isn't a hugely big deal. It is a big deal. And we've been commanded to pour out our lives in service to God and his big deal.

Ask for mercy, and he will make you merciful. It'll work. Be patient and trust God. He'll make you merciful so that he can be just in showing you mercy.

If you feel sorry for your sin, by all means repent. Ask for grace. Ask for mercy. Ask for forgiveness. Never give up repentance. Choose words that help you say what you feel.

As for me, I ask for mercy. Of all the ways to tell God I'm sorry, I can't think of one that is more humiliating, simply because it's true. I need mercy. ME. I'M the sinner.

take the lowest place my son
take the lowest place

do your best and ask for mercy
he will give you grace

A Tale of Two Crickets

It took me a while to find him. He was chirping away and I did that thing where you turn your head to listen. And I walked through the hall; into the kitchen; back down the hall. It seemed like everywhere I stopped to listen he was somewhere else. No matter where I was, it sounded like he was where I just came from.

Then my scattered brain got distracted. Isaac had to get up for school. We did that. Eating breakfast, it dawned on me that I was searching on a plane, where the cricket might be like, in the attic. That was it. I informed Isaac, "Hear that cricket? He's in the attic."

Isaac: "How'd he get in the attic?"

Huh. Good question. How did he get in the attic? Do crickets even climb trees, much less my wall? No time for this; time for school.

Me: "He hopped."
Isaac: "I bet he climbed."
Me: "Yeah, you're right. He must have climbed."

And off we went to school; and back from school I came. Sitting at the computer I pulled up the Wikipedia article on 'Synergism (theology)', which I expected to be deeply interesting. I was wrong. I'll give you the abridged version: "Blah blah blah, things that end in -ation. Finger pointing. The end." When all of a sudden I heard the cricket again and a horrible thought passed through my mind: I remembered seeing him the night before, but I neglected to rescue him then. He's not in the attic. I saw him in the hall. Now he's hiding under a door jamb.

He started chirping so I paced the hall again, this time tilting my head while I turned it. Sure enough, he was right where I left him only now beyond my reach. I stooped down with my face next to the gap, "Hey cricket ... if you come out I'll rescue you. But if you don't there's nothing I can do." I realized my speech was likely to terrify the poor thing so I gave it up and went back to reading; back to mustering up a little bit of tolerance for an article that should be about God, but instead is about words that end in -ation.

A moment before retaking my seat, behold! Another cricket! I vowed not to let this one go. She hopped away with all her fury. (I'll call her a her becuase she never chirped, but she was super busy running away from me, after all.) She hopped and hopped. Smacked into the wall. Hopped behind this. Scrambled under that. Eventually I got her and we went outside.

She didn't hop off right away. I just talked to her for a minute while she walked around on my hand, catching her breath.

"You wanna go on the rail here? No? How 'bout the grass. No? Okay, no hurry."

I sat down on a step to wait for this cricket to hop off me. It was nice. She cleaned her antennae. She explored a little bit up my arm, which was tickly. I think she liked me. She felt safe. Finally I pursuaded her to climb into the grass, but she'd have stayed with me forever I think.

Going back inside I made a decision; I will save the other cricket too. The work began with a flashlight; proceeded with little stick, then a scooper I made out of a clothes hanger. No luck. I was ready to give up, but then he started chirping again. I knew what had to be done; I got out real tools and started dismantling the wall. It was messy and difficult. Repairing the wall will cost me time and money, but it was worth it. I got him.

Good thing he never quit chirping.

Between the Cherubim - Misty Edwards

A little Psalm 80 for your post-ascension compunction.

Worship Albums in 2004

2004 was a good year for Worship CDs. Let me draw your attention to three outstanding projects:

#3: When Silence Falls - Tim Hughes



From the man who brought you Here I Am to Worship, a remarkable collection of songs.
Simple, fairly light, rock arrangements.

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#2: Arriving - Chris Tomlin



You probably already know most of these songs, but it's nice to hear Mr. Tomlin drip his tenor honey on it.
And it's nice to give him a dollar.

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#1: Facedown - Matt Redman



Best CD ever. Recorded live in Georgia at a conference. He must have spent years writing these songs. The DVD is also very good. It's pretty funny actually, because if you watch it, you'll see that they took Matt's own guitar out of the mix entirely ;)

Wonderful songs + Humility + Matchless Production Quality = Facedown

Watchfulness and Conscience

6. Watchfulness cleanses the conscience and makes it lucid. Thus cleansed, it immediately shines out like a light that has been uncovered, banishing much darkness. Once this darkness has been banished through constant and genuine watchfulness, the conscience then reveals things hidden from us. Through the nous it teaches us how to fight the unseen war and the mental battle by means of watchfulness, how we must throw spears when engaged in single combat and strike with well-aimed lances of thought, and how the nous must escape being hit and avoid the noxious darkness by hiding itself in Christ, the light for which it longs. He who has tasted this light will understand what I am talking about.

- St Philotheos of Sinai, Forty Texts on Watchfulness, The Philokalia Vol. III

Important Message from John Mulinde

Watch in higher quality here.

Simply Christian - N.T. Wright

Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense, Part 1 of 2 from The Veritas Forum on Vimeo.